Halloween is for Lovers

Today is Halloween, so between fighting off irrational anxiety about stalkers and serial killers (Boyfriend has been on a non-stop horror movie marathon kick), and wondering which of the zombies on campus are students and which are actually dead, I'm thinking about the scariest thing of all...

LOVE.

Love is this super cute disease that can turn the most rational, educated people into simpering idiots.  It can affect women too, but the symptoms are decidedly less pronounced.  Did it ever occur to anybody that attraction is a fear response?  Heart racing, sweating palms, flushed skin, dilated pupils...all to warn us of what could come.

Love!

That feeling of being so intricately interwoven with another being that if they were torn away from you, you could no longer exist.  Vital organs spilling across linoleum, the world growing dark, and all you have time to do is grip at your abdomen and fall to the floor as your other half leaves you. (What?  It's all hallows eve, we had to have a tiny bit of gore...)  Human beings are so inclined to look for this type of danger.  We search for it, pine for it, live for it, DIE for it.

Love.

Because, it's worth it.  That's the only logical conclusion, in evolutionary terms.  It must be worth it; the reward must outweigh the sacrifice.  Having that one person in your life who knows and understands and cares and protects and works to make you happy because you are their happiness.  Recognizing that you are worth that devotion and so are they, and you give it right back.  That.  That is why we ignore the fear, plow right through it.  We place absolute trust in another- one of the stupidest things we could do in terms of survival.  But we do it.  Because it feels good.

Happy Halloween

An Introvert Interacts

I got into a debate today (okay, I confronted an innocent woman in the checkout line) regarding the differences- pros, cons, what have you- between introverts and extraverts.

 

 

Let's begin with some background, shall we?

 

 

The extravert will seek out social situations taking pleasure and energy from group interactions. They are commonly described as chatty, enthusiastic, assertive, and dominant.

 

 

The introvert will spend more time alone, reflecting on his own mental state. They are often seen as passive, quiet, solitary, and socially inept.

 

 

I am a self-proclaimed closet introvert. I suffer extreme social anxiety at times, but I will be God damned if anybody is gonna know about it (except you guys...and my therapist...and my prescribing physician...) so I am not often perceived as socially awkward. I enjoy the company of others and am at times the life of the party, but I find social interactions to be daunting and superfluous (not to mention exhausting). I use an elevated vocabulary to maintain a sense of superiority over those around me as part of my constant struggle for control. I'm socially dominant and I read others well.



Introverts love talking about themselves.



Anyway, THIS WOMAN (clearly far too extraverted for her own good) told me she felt sorry for introverts.  She felt sorry for me...because I'm superior?  This was far too backward a concept for me to understand.  I stood aghast for a moment until realizing that she was probably too busy putting herself "out there" to realize she'd misspoken.  I wanted to pat her on her lil extravert head,  "There, there.  We will try talking-out-loud again tomorrow, my little demonstrative one."


As I was having these delightfully patronizing thoughts, the woman was yammering on about how sad and lonely it must be being an introvert.  Did I mention she was talking to her friend in line at the grocery store, not to me?  Anyway, I finally had to pipe in.

"Well, you're wrong," I asserted with great disapproval.  She looked over her shoulder, probably to see who I was talking to or if I had picked up my phone, but no I was staring directly at her.

"Excuse me?" she spluttered.  Do I have to mention she was blonde? 

I said, "You're incorrect.  About introverts." 

*Blank stare* 

"The two of you were just talking about introverts, rather you were rambling and your friend there was looking bored..?" 

*Cue my charming smile at her friend, who acknowledged my observation* 

"The problem with extraverts is," I plowed ahead, "once they realize what they are, they don't bother looking inward.  Or outward for that matter, for any type of deeper meaning.  Everything becomes shallow, and based in interaction over observation.  So, I disagree with you, I think it must be sad and lonely to be so extraverted that you cannot entertain yourself without boring your friends."

I'd like to think it took a minute for it to register with this woman what I had said, but in all honesty she might still be puzzling over it, because she laughed at me, turned around and continued yammering at her captive audience friend.

I only felt validated.

head heart hand

Held with care
Let’s get lost
Hand in hand
This means love
These long hours
Don’t mean much
Learn to feel
Love and trust
Draw them in
Let them soak
Into your skin
Hold them close

Time will pass
Love is gone
It only lasts
For so long
It always shifts
Changes its name
On your lips
Day to day
Until you know
It never left
Just laying low
Heart knows best

Valentine's Day (Restraining Orders, Werewolves, Chaucer, and Lies)

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, kids. The amount of lovey dovey ads on television
featuring chocolate, sex, and diamonds is enough to send anyone over the edge,
no matter how happy they are in or out of a relationship.

My dear friend Brandon and I threw a party Saturday night, which consisted of us laying
on the couch alone together, yelling at Food Network, and eating brownies. In fact, this party was so exclusive, that only the two prettiest people in the room were even INVITED. The point is, every seven and a half minutes, I saw a fistful of diamond/engagement/do me! ads that made me want to punch a baby. And that is just not socially acceptable (also we do not have any babies, because that wouldn’t be socially responsible). So I punched Brandon instead.

But here are a couple reasons why Valentine’s day can bite me (Uhh... I mean "Fun Facts"):

10) My single friends are being annoying nag-whores. “I don’t have a date?! How could I not have a date??? Am I intimidating?” No, you’re stupid.

9) My committed friends are doing stupid shit like getting engaged and planning elaborate heart filled explosions of idiocy.

8) If you plan some sort of surprise for the day, it’s either going to be completely corny and
romantic, or horrifically awkward and riddled with hilarity. (And possible restraining orders).

7) The feast of St Valentine was observed in the Catholic tradition to honor a handful of saints
martyred for reasons “God only knows” because their stories were lost. THERE IS NO BACKSTORY.

6) Lupercalia, a pagan festival from which Valentine’s day may have arisen, is a celebration of
the wolf mother who suckled Remus and Romulus, founders of Rome. All I can say, is what you already know, werewolves are evil and must be vanquished.

5) The first time Valentine’s Day was slated as being even remotely romantic, Geoffrey Chaucer
MADE IT UP. And tried to sell it as a tradition. Yeah. That’s dishonest.
"For this was on seynt Volantynys day
whan euery bryd cometh there to chese his make"
But who even knows what this guy was trying to say.

4) Valentine’s Day shares initials with Venereal Disease. Probably Shakespeare would approve.

3) The holiday forces men to make gift choices, thereby forcing women to hate them. (Unless your guy happens to have that fabled, diamond-studded, chocolate penis- that also ejaculates money?)

2) BLOODSHED. Historically, we have the St Valentine’s Day Massacre, where Capone “took care” of some members of a rival gang. Lesson: Don’t mess with Italians ever, but especially if you’re Irish. (Actually this makes the day cooler...)

1) Cupid, traditionally associated with the day, in Roman mythology is the god of affection, desire, and erotic love. Today, he’s essentially a little cherub jerk that might as well have arrows tipped with Flunitrazepam (streetname: Roofies).

Cheers!

Love is...

Re-reading A Wrinkle in Time right at the start of a New Year got me thinking about love, life, and our reason for being.

I realize how truly blessed I am, and how much love I am surrounded by. The kind of love that, even when I run from it, manages to envelop me and protect me from harm.

I have four beautiful sisters that are the joy of my life, three wonderful parents who guide me through whatever life may bring, and my grandmother who continues to keep me sane no matter how crazy I think my life is getting. I have so many friends, and my inner circle (you know who you are) could not be more supportive. I have a boyfriend who just simply cares, so much, about who I am that I never have to chase after affection or understanding.

In trying to figure out what love is, I realize more and more each day that it cannot be figured or explained, only felt and expressed.

Love is what created us, and it is why we exist.